


Let Her Go

by Sanalith



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-17
Updated: 2014-08-17
Packaged: 2018-02-13 14:01:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2153316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sanalith/pseuds/Sanalith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rumpelstiltskin made a deal for his caretaker out of curiosity, but now he realizes the error of his ways. She's simply too much of a distraction. She has to go.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let Her Go

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a musical prompt based on the song "Let Her Go" by Passenger.

_"Staring at the bottom of your glass_  
 _Hoping one day you'll make a dream last_  
 _But dreams come slow and they go so fast_  
 _You see her when you close your eyes_  
 _Maybe one day you'll understand why_  
 _Everything you touch surely dies_  
 _*****_  
 _Well you see her when you fall asleep_  
 _But never to touch and never to keep_  
 _'Cause you loved her too much_  
 _And you dived too deep_

_You only need the light when it's burning low_  
 _Only miss the sun when it starts to snow_  
 _Only know you love her when you let her go_  
 _Only know you've been high when you're feeling low_  
 _Only hate the road when you're missing home_  
 _Only know you love her when you let her go_  
 _And you let her go..."_  
 ** _~ Let Her Go_ , Passenger**

 

He wasn't looking for love.

The words he'd spoken to Lord Maurice often rang through Rumpelstiltskin's mind, and he silently insisted that they were as true now as they were nearly a year ago, when he'd been summoned to Avonlea to deal with their infestation of ogres. Centuries ago, he'd sworn to love nothing and no one again, not until his Baelfire – his precious boy – was in his arms once more. Bae was all that mattered. Everything else was a distraction, a momentary hiccup to be dealt with and ignored. His little maid should have been no different.

And yet...

There'd been a misstep somewhere, that much he knew. He'd let his guard down for a brief moment, and somehow she'd managed to slip past his defenses and into his heart (a shriveled old organ if there ever was one). When had he erred?

He firmly squashed down the notion that it was when he'd caught her falling from the ladder. He might be a beast, but even he drew the line at allowing innocent maidens to break their necks when he could prevent it, even if she was the one foolhardy enough to climb said ladder in silly little heeled shoes. He'd acted on instinct, her cry of alarm echoing in his ears, momentarily feeling only relief that she was unharmed, and that his powers had allowed him to heel the ankle that would once have prevented him from acting the hero.

But then the relief faded when he was confronted with the reality of an armful of Belle, and all the sensations that came with it.

Her wide blue eyes met and held his, and he couldn't help but briefly lose himself in their depths. For the first time, he noticed tiny flecks of gold in her irises, reflecting off the light now spilling into the once dark room. He felt her soft, smooth skin against his fingers, as he held her carefully, mindful of his sharp claws. He caught the slightest whiff of lavender and vanilla as her hair brushed his cheek.

“Thank you,” she whispered breathlessly, her right arm tightening reflexively around his neck, and for that moment, he was lost.

And then the moment passed, and he practically dropped her to the floor in his haste, assuring her that it was no matter. But it was, and they both knew it. That was, perhaps, his point of no return, but the damage had clearly been done before that.

Looking further back into their past, Rumpelstiltskin assumed his true mistake had come in the form of a green-clad thief, who clearly thought robbing the Dark One was a game rather than a death sentence. He should have killed Hood when he had the chance, just as he'd planned. If he had, there was no way his little Belle would have looked at him again with anything but anger and hatred in her eyes.

He would have missed her friendship, perhaps, but the outcome would still have been preferable to the torment he now experienced. Hatred was familiar; he knew exactly how to handle it. Fear brought power, and power brought safety.

But Belle saw the truth of the matter, and he did something he hadn't done in centuries.

He hesitated.

He could still kill Hood. It was the easiest thing in the world. Just aim and release.

“You're not the kind of man to leave a child fatherless!” she'd cried.

Helpless, trapped waist-deep in the earth, Belle had still managed to hurl the most powerful weapon possible, the only one capable of harming him.

He'd spared the man. Not for her, he assured himself, but for Bae. Her good opinion of him meant nothing, but his son's meant everything. If Bae ever found out he'd committed the same sin not once, but twice, his son would never forgive him, and quite rightly. So he deliberately missed his shot, and this boy, at least would grow to have a loving mother and father. It was the least he could do to atone for his own mistakes.

But if Belle's good opinion meant nothing, then why did his heart nearly beat right out of his chest when, without warning, she'd wound her arms around his neck and drew him into a fierce embrace of gratitude? Why was he rooted to the spot like a simpleton when she moved away? When she tossed a coy smile over her shoulder, innocently asking if he was coming, why did he find himself grinning back like a fool?

And why in the name of all the gods did he reward her when they returned home?

A library, a real bedroom, a change of clothing...What had he been thinking? The Dark One had howled its displeasure in his mind, but he'd ruthlessly suppressed it, and for what? For her happiness? To see her smile just once more? He'd assured her he was darker even than the stories painted him, but what dark sorcerer gifted his maid with such extravagance?

He should never have brought her here in the first place. He knew that now. It had all been a game, to see how far her father would go to save his people. Rumpelstiltskin would never have admitted that his blood had boiled when he'd first read their plea for help. Ogres again. Descendants of the pack that might have killed his son. He would have decimated them all, the price of magic be damned, just to continue the vengeful slaughter he'd begun centuries ago. But of course, he had a reputation to uphold, and offering him gold _was_ the height of foolishness. So he'd twittered and trilled and made his bargain, easily discerning that the tiny girl with the book clutched in her arms was the most valuable treasure in the entire castle.

And she was dressed from head to toe in the gold he'd been offered. He thought that was the height of irony, and was rather disappointed no one else seemed to get the joke.

But what he'd never admitted to anyone, not even truly to himself, was that he'd been touched by the combination of her strength and courage in the face of a deep unhappiness before she'd even agreed to his deal.

Unhappiness that had nothing to do with the ogres invading her land and everything to do with the oaf of a knight who'd staked his claim on her future without so much as a by-your-leave.

Though he'd asked her about him later, wanting to hear the story from her own lips. Rumpelstiltskin had immediately taken stock of their history. Though he had little brain, Gaston did have brawn, and he'd distinguished himself on many a battlefield. His hand in marriage also came with a large, powerful army, more than twice the size of Maurice currently commanded. Belle, knowing her duty, agreed to the union without hesitation, sure that it was the only way to possibly save her people. Gaston, who knew his worth, was magnanimous in his acceptance, making sure everyone in earshot – and even some who weren't – knew of his contribution to the war effort, and how it had earned him the hand of the most beautiful woman in the world.

Rumpelstiltskin was surprised his ego didn't simply crush the ogres with its size and weight.

He did not ask for her as his prize simply for that, however. He'd convinced himself of that fact. After all, what woman would see selling herself to a beast as any better than selling herself to buy an army? At least the oaf was handsome.

No, he asked because he was curious. After living for so long, Rumpelstiltskin found himself surprised less and less often, and sometimes he did things just to see what would happen, rather like a child holding a magnifying glass over an ant. Maurice and Gaston's reactions were easily predictable, of course, but the girl...he was honestly unsure what she would do.

They say curiosity once killed a cat. Apparently it had the power to slay Dark Ones as well.

Belle rose to his bait without hesitation, knowing that while Gaston's army had some chance of saving them, Rumpelstiltskin's deal was a sure thing. What he hadn't known at the time was that a part of her had assumed she'd be dead by the morning and still considered it a pair price. One life for an entire village. What woman with any sort of integrity would shirk from that?

A great many, he would have told her, and she would not have cared.

He should have taken the gold. He knew that now. But it was far, far too late. Because now he had her smiles, and her chipped teacup, and his words to the Sheriff of Nottingham ringing in his ears that she was not for sale, not at any price. And he was standing behind her, hands on her slim hips, his head bowed into the crook of her neck as he inhaled the sweet vanilla and lavender scent he remembered from her ladder tumble, and he was handing her a rose and bowing like a fool.

She had to go. It was as simple as that. If he had any hope of regaining what was left of his sanity, she had to go.

“You trust me to come back?” she'd demanded, incredulous, and he'd smiled sadly.

“Oh no. I expect I'll never see you again.”

That had been the point, after all.

Because he loved her. And he couldn't afford to love anyone. Not now. Perhaps not ever.

It was for her sake as well as his, he reminded himself. He'd lost everyone he'd ever cared for. He'd loved so much and so deeply, and what did he have to show for it? A dead mother, a father who'd abandoned him for his own pleasure, a wife who scorned him, a lover who'd ripped out her own heart rather than spend her life with him, and a son who was lost to him forever...unless he could complete his plan. A plan that required no distractions, especially not one as pure and lovely as Belle.

So he let her walk away, and swore it was for the best.

But he'd made one final error, perhaps the most critical of all.

He'd forgotten that no one decided her fate but her.

And despite all his struggles, he could not be unhappy for it. Even if her courage would destroy them both.


End file.
